


Three

by robertttsugden



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, OCD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Pre-wedding era, Robert struggles, post-crash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:28:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22122610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertttsugden/pseuds/robertttsugden
Summary: Not long after the crash, everything seems to be getting back on track. But there’s something inside making Robert feel uneasy, and he just can’t put a finger on it.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, so this is a random idea that came to me and I thought i’d give it a go and write it up. Basically in this fic Robert struggles with OCD which begins to show after the ssw crash 
> 
> This chapter is a bit odd, but please bare with it’ll improve :)

It starts in November, just around a month after the crash which sent Robert and his boyfriend (soon to be fiance) coursing over a quarry edge and submerged into the deep murky waters, trapped with the choice of either escaping on his own and leaving his beloved Aaron there whilst the water slowly filled up his lungs, suffocating him, or he had to risk it and carry on trying to get him free, the possibility of him drowning too looming over them. He took the risk, and by some lucky twist of fate it paid off and they both escaped, but they didn’t escape unscathered. Well, he did of course, somehow he managed to cheat death and injury as he always does and wind up with the odd few cuts and scratches, whereas Aaron ended up on his deathbed. It all worked out in the end though, Aaron got better and they got engaged, things were looking up, but there was something nagging him that he just couldn’t put his finger on, a constant overwhelming feeling that something was going to go wrong. He tried to get on with his day to day life, but this feeling kept growing and growing until it was consuming him whole and still, he just couldn’t quite figure out what was causing it.

He pulls up outside their house and puts the handbrake on. Then he double checks to make sure it’s on, and then he triple checks. Just to be sure and put his mind at rest. All his life he’s loved his cars, constantly buying the flashiest and fastest one he could afford, and he could never see his love for them going away, ever, but lately he’s felt a bit more uneasy whilst driving. Not uneasy enough to put him off it, but enough to make him more aware of what could happen, how easy it could be to crash again. One of those things his mind suddenly made himself aware of is the fact that the handbrake may not be on properly, or he could completely forget to put it on all together and cause the car to roll back and hurt someone. He couldn’t have that, he couldn’t cause someone to get hurt again, especially not since he still blames himself for the accident. He can’t make himself get out of the car if he doesn’t do it now, not that he ever forgets. He only ever did that once, and when he realised it sent him into blind panic, very nearly having some form of panic attack as he raced out the house to check if he’d done it, which of course, he had. It’s not that he doesn’t trust himself, that he feels like he’s some kind of idiot, he just feels responsible if he doesn’t triple check. It always has to be three times. Three.

It’s an odd number, three. Literally, it’s the second odd number, but also in the terms it can be seen as weird. Some people think of three to be lucky. Third times the charm and all that. Additionally, in Chinese Culture as the pronunciation sounds similar to their word for alive. On the other hand, many see it as unlucky. It’s unlucky to take the third draft from a lighter, for example. Robert had never been superstitious, never properly believed in luck, though God knows he’d been blessed with it through the years, but now he was starting to think maybe it did exist, and maybe he was being punished with it, maybe there was someone punishing him.

That’s another thing Robert had never truly believed in, Religion. Maybe he ought to, he was clearly doing something wrong. That’s another thing the number three related to - Jesus rose on the third day after his death, the devil tempted him three times, there were three wise men giving Jesus three gifts. Everything linked to three. 

Maybe he was overthinking it. In fact , he knew he was overthinking it. He was getting obsessed with the idea when in reality he knew deep down he was just being stupid, there was nothing synical about the number three. It was just a number and that’s all there is to it. How stupid could he be ? Of course there’s nothing bad about a number, it’s just a small number that was easy to count to. Three times. Checking the handbrake three times wasn’t such a big deal, he’s just being safe. That’s all there is to it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi !! Thank you SO much to anyone who's read this story so far, it really means the world to me. Here's the second chapte, hope you enjoy!

As the week went by, it started to progress. It was no longer just the handbrake. He’d always had a thing about traffic lights, especially when he was younger. It wasn’t as if they ever left the village much back then, so they didn’t ever come across them much, but he remembers the feeling. He knew that if they got to the traffic light and it was green, then that was good. Green was okay, nothing bad would happen then. But if he got there and it was on red, red meant bad. Red meant something horrifically bad was going to happen and that it would somehow all be his fault, and he needed to stop it somehow. He always did manage to stop it, he went around and turned every switch in his room on and off three times, that always stopped it. Nothing bad happened. That was until his Mum died of course.

Andy did it, he knew that it was really Andys’ fault and not his, but he couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt over her demise. He knew deep down that he drove Andy to it, not directly, but he did. Sure, it was Andys’ own idiotic idea to burn the barn down for insurance money, but no sane person would ever think up that idea. Robert drove him mad and he knew that, he knew how to hurt Andy and that’s exactly what he did. There’s no way that couldn’t have had an effect on him, especially on the state of his mind. So maybe he didn’t actually put that idea in his mind, but he did put him in the state of mind to commit something such as that. All in all, it was really his fault. He killed his Mum, and now he has the feeling that something else is going to happen. That’s why he’s started taking extra care when going around the house. He’s terrified of accidentally letting the car roll back and hit someone, hurting or killing them, which is his reasons for checking the handbrake so many times. Now he’s also started washing his hands a few times whenever he’s been out, to make sure that he doesn’t get any illnesses and then make Aaron or Liv ill, he could handle it happening to himself because he knows he deserves it, but he couldn’t cope with the idea of putting either of them through it. The one that gets to him the most is the fear of starting a fire. He couldn’t face to loose someone else that way, not after Sarah. That’s why he’s makes sure he checks the stove anytime after they’ve used it.

One time.

Two times. 

Three times.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts at the unmistakable sound of Aaron walking through the doors, home after being away for a scrap job with Adam, reminding him they arranged to have their tea out at the pub tonight. As much as he loves spending time with them together as a family, he kind of dreads it. The idea of having to sit there amongst so many people, not knowing what illness they may be carrying, and subsequently passing on to him. He’s not going to complain though, he should be happy he’s actually got a family who cared about him, he never thought he’d get to this point in his life where he was truly happy and content with himself. He loved Chrissie, he was willing to spend the rest of his life with her, but he wasn’t completely head over heels in love with her, he knew she wasn’t the one, but to him he would never find someone who he could actually be himself with, so Chrissie it was. He had everything. Well, almost everything. The job, the money, the big house, the reputation. That family gave him everything he could need to live the successful life he’d always craved. That was until Aaron came along, of course. Not to sound cliche, but he really did change everything. He had a completely different perspective on what he wanted out of life. Suddenly it wasn’t all about the money and the power, he wanted the family, the happy life he thought he’d never be able to have. He never thought he’d be able to actually be out and happy, not after what his dad did, but here he is, and there wasn’t any chance of him risking throwing that away, never. That’s why he needs to carry on doing what he’s doing, he’s not letting himself ruin the best thing to ever happen to him.


End file.
